RMR Data and Going Forward

179 lbs.

I'll be the first to admit that this year has been a learning experience in my weight loss journey.  After losing 100 pounds in 2014 on a 40 week medically-supervised liquid diet, I've worked hard this year to create a new healthy life.  It has been joyous for the most part, in that I've loved every minute of being mobile, wearing cuter clothes and living without the aches and pains I used to feel on a daily basis when I was obese.

I've enjoyed exercise and being outside, but the eating part of the equation was baffling to me.  Even tracking my calories on MyFitnessPal since the fast, I found myself steadily gaining weight.  Keeping my calories under 1800 for the most part (with a few excursions upward on special occasions), I thought with all of my activity that I could handle those calories.  But I was wrong.

I have some answers now.

On Monday I went into my clinic and had my Resting Metabolic Rate measured, using a somewhat sophisticated machine.  I fasted for 12 hours, then they pinched my nose, and I breathed into a tube for about 20 minutes, while sitting in a chair, relaxing.

What I learned is that my RMR is lower than normal.  My resting energy expenditure is 1310 calories, so that means that to maintain my weight, I'd need to eat about 1310-1703 calories, and for weight loss, between 1000-1310.

I had a hunch about this, based on my weight gain/loss over the past year, but I didn't want to believe it.  It seemed illogically low based on how most people eat, especially those who are active.

But I'm me and these are my numbers.  I was tremendously relieved to know that it wasn't my imagination, and that I really couldn't eat very much without gaining weight.  Even though I've done some strength training since stopping my fast, I haven't gone back to it since I slipped on a hiking trail in late April (I still have a sore rotator cuff).  But this is what I need to do in order to bring that number up.  Building lean muscle mass will be my ticket to easier weight maintenance, not to mention all the wonderful health benefits.

It also has me rethinking my cardio strategy.  I've loved doing my interval running and participating in races big and small.  I'm scheduled for a 10K in August and a half marathon in November.  I'll need to keep up my training.  But I think in the future, I'll do more walking, strength training and group cardio classes.  High Intensity Interval Training will help boost my metabolism along with the strength training.  I'm going to start lifting again, and my plan will be to retest my RMR at the start of next year to see if there are any changes.

Maybe my long, very low calorie diet played a part in lowering my metabolism.  I don't know enough about physiology to know if this is the case.  I also don't know if I've always had this type of slow metabolism.  I've been taking medicine for hypothyroidism for 30 years - but my weight struggles preceded that.  In any event,  if I had it to do all over again, I would certainly do my Optifast program in a heart beat.  My life is so much better now, and it gave me a new beginning point, even though it has been frustrating at times.

In a strange way, this data reinforced my own hunches, and has encouraged me to believe in my hunches more often.  It has also reminded me that I am a unique human being, and while there is a lot of conventional wisdom out there, I can be an n=1, and not be afraid to move on if something isn't working well for me.

So that's the interesting news from me today.  Salad lady signing off and wishing everyone a wonderful holiday weekend if you are in the U.S.!

Weekend Update

182 lbs.

I'm posting my weight.  It's hard to have it out there, but then again, when I think about my intentions involving this blog, it has been to be honest about my experience, both for my sake and for whatever benefit/encouragement/information might be felt or shared by readers.  I do want to reiterate that I'm only one person, and my journey might not follow your experience using similar or different nutritional strategies.  As I get older, I appreciate this more and more.

I'm also finally getting the courage to listen to my body and make nutritional decisions based on how my body responds to food.   In the last few months I've learned a lot, and as I am still looking for a good mix of macronutrients and calories to help me stay healthy, I have had ups and downs.  It's a big step for me because I'm a rule-follower by nature, and it was easier to believe that just because it was recommended by X or worked for X that I should respond in the expected way.  Well, as a pre-menopausal hypothyroid woman, I may need to tweak things and adjust my own expectations as well.

Gaining weight after a loss is embarrassing to me.  Embarrassing and frustrating.  I believe that if I had been binge eating sweets or pizza or fast food every day, then this weight gain would be more understandable.  I have a greater empathy for those who regain and it is rooted in how complex and unique our systems can be.  Maybe the recommended maintenance diet isn't the right one for everyone.  I am also living proof that you can't out-exercise a bad diet.  Unfortunately I have to live with raised eyebrows and the assumption that I must be going back to my old ways of eating and living, since I've put some weight back on.  This is incentive for me to really buckle down and at least stop gaining, if not lose a few of those pounds.

I'm closing in on one week eating LCHF (low carbohydrate high fat), and it has felt great.  I had only a couple of hours that might be considered "keto flu" which isn't so bad.  I added more salt to my diet, and I've been taking magnesium and potassium.  I didn't really cut back much on my exercise, as I love my new BodyCombat classes and I had the chance to go on a beautiful hike on Friday (pics below).

Hike at Torrey Pines, an iconic place in San Diego.  Views, even on a cloudy day were stunning.

This is a view South.  Such a stunning place to walk.

When I first learned that we were moving to SD, I saw pictures of these beautiful sand cliffs up against the ocean view.  I couldn't believe my luck, and the stunning beauty of this place.

I felt awesome climbing the couple of good sized hills that were needed to get to the trails and then back to my parking spot about a mile away.  It wasn't a strenuous hike by any means, but I just felt wonderful the whole time.  Really full of energy, actually.  And the views really filled my soul.

So for the first week of tweaking the fuel source for my body, I felt great. According to many sources, my body should be switching over from burning glucose as a primary source of energy, to burning ketones, in the next couple of weeks.

I'm also feeling very flexible about this week because I'm experiencing my monthly cycle right now.  So I if my weight just stays stable, I'll be thrilled.  If it goes up, I'm also not going to freak out this week, as most women will understand.  I'll weigh myself weekly at the clinic and try not to obsess over it.

What Have I Been Eating?  Hint:  It's not pork rinds (not that there's anything wrong with that)

My favorite meal of the week has been my breakfast of Trader Joe's Southern Greens, sauteed with 2 slices of bacon.  It's almost as God intended them to be cooked! (my southern friends will nod their heads in approval)  I have that with an egg or two and I'm fine until lunch.  Though I didn't have any this week, I also love to have a whey protein smoothie, and it will fit in just fine to support my nutrition goals.  The protein mix I use is very low carb/low sugar and tastes great.  I use unsweetened vanilla almond milk, but will probably add a splash of cream to raise the fat and make it taste even better.

My lunch selection hasn't changed much because I love it.  Salad with avocado, feta, tuna, tomatoes, cucumber.  This week I added some toasted pecans to the top -- yum. I added some olive oil vinaigrette and pepper.  The protein toppings change based on leftovers from dinner or what I have around the house.  I like canned tuna and my cat likes the empty cans :-)

Dinner this week was three nights of salmon because I cooked up a big salmon filet from Costco.  It feeds my family of four for several meals.  I baked it in foil with olive oil and lemons on top.  Some salt and pepper.  Nothing fancy, but very versatile.  It comes out for breakfast, lunch and dinner for various members of my family.  Every night I make a different veggie.  We do a lot of cauliflower and asparagus because those are liked by most of us - sold in quantity at Costco.  I like either sauteing them in olive or avocado oil, or roasting them.  Mushrooms, broccoli and peppers also make the rounds.  I'm not shy about butter, either.  I love to add some to the sautee of the day.  I had a dinner gathering with friends this week and we had Thai food.  I skipped the rice and enjoyed the coconut sauces over meat and vegetables.  My favorite green papaya salad has a sweet dressing, so I just had a little bit of that.  Going out to eat is always a challenge because if it's fancy or complex, you can never be sure of the ingredients used.  Since it's just a couple of times per month at most, I just do my best to make thoughtful choices and enjoy the tastes.

Snacks:  Before my hike or exercise classes this week, I measured out 1/4 to 1/2 cup of pistachios in the shell for snacking - great source of sodium, fat and some carbs.  We get a big bag at Costco. Cheese is another go-to snack this week.   Most of our shopping is at Costco or Trader Joe's - my food log look like an advertisement for those two places, but we are frugal people.

For dessert my hubby, who has also started eating a more keto diet to lose a few pounds, bought some sugar free chocolate candies that we are parceling out carefully.  I also had a couple of squares of 78% dark chocolate, which I feel is a wonderful treat.  Home made whipping cream turned into chocolate mousse was also a treat once this week.  I'm looking forward to finding some other dessert options that will fit into our way of eating.  There are some great recipes online.  If you have a favorite, I'd love to hear about it!

I have to say that making the decision to remove sugar and grains hasn't required much of a change in how we have been eating since I lost weight.  The kids miss having fresh sourdough around lately, but we give them whole grain bread when they want a sandwich, and if we go out to eat, they can enjoy a treat of fresh bread/rolls.  It should be a special treat for them and not an every day indulgence anyway!  They are not complaining at all, so that's great.  I love my supportive family!

So when I look at the above, I don't see an unhealthy way of eating.  Fruit wasn't there this week, but I won't be shy about adding a few berries and counting the carbs.  I'm getting some excellent vitamins and fiber.  Real food all the way!  Per some suggestions, I've also upped my calories to 1600, and have not noticed a gain so far, so that's wonderful. My inclination is to keep it closer to 1500 but I won't stress about it and just see where my hunger level takes me.  Hunger has not been a problem at all.

On Monday I'm starting a new Healthy Balance class (looking at mindfulness, nutrition and exercise) at my clinic.  I realized that it would be helpful to plug back into a support system in addition to a wonderful monthly "booster" class that I go to.

I've also dived into some published research studies on LCHF as well as conventional HCLF diets.  It is empowering to go to the original sources, and luckily I have a scientific educational background and can get through the information with a few look-ups of terms here and there.  It is so easy to be swayed one way or another by books or websites that express a strong opinion about the "right way to eat", so it's nice to dig through their citations.  I'll write more on this as I process through it, but I'm finding it to be very interesting and surprising.

Let me know if you have any recipe or food suggestions.  I'm always looking for some.  Happy Weekend to you all!

Hello Friends, Sorry I've Been Away

Right from the get-go I want to thank folks for the sweet and supportive comments on my last post many weeks ago.  I'm sorry to have disappeared off the face of the earth, and I know, as a blog reader, how I can be left wondering when bloggers just stop.  But it is not my intention to stop writing.  I am still very much a work in progress, and not afraid to talk about it.

This Spring just became very busy for me.  Much of it very good and productive, as I mentioned in previous posts.  I made some very positive strides in household organization and we also demolished a deck, got the house painted, got a kid through AP tests and planted a very small Spring garden (due to California drought).  I got to travel to wonderful Portland, OR for a family event, and was able to hike some beautiful forest trails.  

But I also needed some space to process this "maintenance" experience.  It has left me confused and often at war within myself.  That old fight between what I want to eat and what is best for me has challenged me. Old habits and mindsets die hard.  I didn't quite know what to say, so I waited until I could hopefully coherently share my experience.

On The Diet Front

I have made some valuable discoveries for myself and my body.  I experimented with many levels of calorie restriction and eating "good carbs" but quickly saw my weight jump up and my frustrations continue to rise.  Well, I haven't come this far to fail, and I won't.  

But it will be a challenge until I can reign in my weight and get it moving back to a normal level.  Yesterday I read, cover to cover, a book that I had heard about, and finally downloaded onto my kindle.  Gary Taubes' "Why We Get Fat:  And What To Do About It".  I owe a debt of gratitude to this writer for doing the legwork to examine the nutritional research and make a strong case that sugar, carbs and insulin are the culprits in weight gain and a multitude of related diseases. (I am hearing some of you say "duh!")  Some people are more sensitive, especially those of us who have been obese.  He addresses many of my weight-related struggles.

One of the most interesting concepts that he shares involves clinical studies on animals and humans to explore if "a calorie is a calorie."   One group was put on a very calorie restricted diet that included carbs.  The other group had no calorie restriction and was placed on the same diet.  Despite the calorie differences, BOTH groups gained weight/fat.  Taubes noted that physiologically, people who have some degree of insulin resistance (most overweight people) will gain weight and fat while eating carbs, even if they are on a low calorie diet.   Some may even gain their weight back on a carb restricted diet (depressing thought) regardless of their best interventions.  This is because there are receptors on the fat cells that are primed to get first dibs on the glucose/insulin in the bloodstream after a meal that includes carbs.  This comes at the expense of "feeding"  other cells in muscles and organs, etc.  The studies showed that in the presence of low calories, all the nutrients go into the fat cells first, leaving the other cells starving for food, and thus making the person hungry and tired.  

I know that my explanation is not doing this justice, so I highly recommend that you read the book for this and much more interesting information on the history of nutritional research and how policy makers have turned their backs on it without conclusive evidence to the contrary.

As I read the book, I nearly cried.  I do believe that THIS is what has happened to me post weight loss.  This is why after logging my food, keeping my calories at about 1400 (most days), hiking, running, walking miles per week I am still gaining weight.  I swear that it's not like I'm diving head-first into sweets every night, or even every week, but for the past several months I have let more carbs/fruit come into my diet.   I eat lots of veggies and drink plenty of water, but I also have been eating berries, some bread, more wine than is necessary. I've been discouraged by this steady weight gain despite living an overall very healthy lifestyle (at least according to some). Now I finally might have an answer and a possible solution to my individual problem.

Is my metabolism still stunted from my weight loss fast?  Maybe.  Will I need to make peace with eating under 1200 calories per day in order to lose weight?  Maybe, until my metabolism heals.  But probably I'm one of those people who are lipophilic (my metabolism wants to retain fat), and I'm going to have to keep my insulin response very, very low in order to reduce the storage of fat in my cells.  I'm willing to go there and see what happens.  I ate like this earlier in my maintenance, but got sidetracked.

I'm starting to eat very, very low carb, without fruit (for now). Moderate protein, high fat whole foods, healthy greens and healthy oils will be the bulk of my diet.  I just want to see if I can enter a strong state of ketosis and lose a few pounds as a result.  I am keeping my calories at 1400 for now on MFP and will track my food.  My goal is to stay under 20g carbs and around 100g of protein.  I will also continue to exercise.  If I have some luck, then I know that la vida low carb is probably best for me.  I will keep you all posted, of course.

My Exercise

Though Taubes cautions against too much exercise during weight loss (because of added hunger and lack of evidence that exercise aids weight loss), I love how exercise makes me feel and will find a way to nourish myself so that I can stay active. It's funny how I have gone from an "exercise to eat" mentality to an "eat to exercise" mentality.  As an obese person, I just couldn't move without lots of pain and embarrassment.  Now I feel liberated and love to move and hike outside and commune with people, surrounded by healthy, positive energy.   Ketosis is supposed to suppress appetite, so hopefully this will help.

As a present to myself, and a symbol of my commitment to a healthy life, I rang in my 48th birthday last month running/walking a 5K race with one of my good buddies.  It was her first timed race.  We had a blast, and I got to meet some wonderful people from a Facebook group that I belong to (From Fat to Finish Line).

Here is a pic of me bright an early that morning.  My hubby isn't an early bird, so he really showed his love by getting up and driving us 40 minutes to the race.  One of my sons came along to cheer us on.  Great birthday presents!

I'm scheduled for one more "virtual" 10K race in August, and then the crazy fun Rock n' Roll Half Marathon in Las Vegas in November.  This is a night time race, right down the strip!

I've also started sampling the wonderful fitness classes at my gym.  I've taken Zumba and BodyCombat so far, and have LOVED the instructors for these classes.  They were cheery, positive and encouraging, and I felt great afterwards.  When I was much heavier, these classes would have exhausted me for days.  But I was elated by my ability to push myself and feel the cardio benefit, but not to the point of needing to keel over.  I was pleasantly surprised by this and was left feeling a good kind of tired. 

I'm still not 100% healed on my right arm from my earlier hiking accident, so I'm holding off on upper body weights (I abstained from planks and push-ups in my classes).  Next week I'm thinking of adding a couple of leg lifting days to the mix.  I know that building muscle will help my metabolism and help my running as well.

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Thanks for sticking with me and for all of your loving support.  I look forward to catching up on my blog reading and reconnecting to a wonderful blogging community that inspires and challenges me in my continued weight loss and healthy life adventure.

Trying Something New...Again

173 lbs.

I've been getting very frustrated over the past couple of weeks.  Maintaining weight loss is a different leg of this journey, and it has been tough for me.   I have gained 20 pounds from my lowest weight, and I know it needs to stop - I need to make changes to stop gaining weight.  I feel like a ship out at sea without a sail or rudder.  I've read about and tried different approaches -- low carb, paleo, primal, high fat, "primarian".  People who try these approaches swear by them.  I'm not finding my groove with any of it.

To date, I've been tracking everything on MyFitnessPal.  I also exercise regularly.

I've decided to try something new...again.  I need to find what works for my body and activity level after having lost weight on Optifast, and taken up hiking and running.  One of the people in my Optifast maintenance group is finding success with the Weight Watchers Simply Filling technique.  Weight Watchers posts their food list here.  You don't count points, but eat freely from this food list, until you are full.  It isn't a large departure from the foods that I enjoy eating, except that it allows for some grains and bread.  It focuses on whole foods such as veggies, fruits, lean protein and low fat dairy.

Even though it allows for grains, I'm still aware of my trigger foods, so certain types and brands of foods won't be coming back into my diet.  I'm going to eat some legumes, though.  Maybe some oatmeal.  I am not a fan of low fat dairy, but I don't consume a lot of it anyway.

Since I track my foods, I've found that I am naturally eating fewer calories so far.  I think this is due to the lower fat intake.  I feel good, though, and time will tell whether or not eating more carbs is going to be my friend or enemy.  It's not like I'm eating processed or packaged foods in any way, shape or form, and that's the way I like it.

There are many who follow my blog and may think "What the F is she doing!?"  But all I can say is that I'm still searching for the best way of life for me, and I'm just being honest in my blog about my choices.  I will certainly keep everyone updated about how this goes.

Maybe you're reading and relating to my mad quest to find weight stability.  At least you know that you aren't alone, that's for sure.  This is one of the most challenging times in my life.  I try not to focus too much on what's at stake.  I'm still living a very different, and healthier life than I lived when I weighted 257 pounds last year.  I don't have any intention of giving up and going back there ever again.  Hell no.

Diet Hardball and Happy Hiking

During the past few days I have slowly gotten my groove back.  I am in the process of getting back into ketosis, and getting my workouts in.  I'm trying to approach this with a spirit of enthusiasm.

There have been a number of positive influences on me in the past week.  A number of my blogger friends have posted about food addiction and eating.  Here is a great post by my friend Wendy at Fitter At Fourtyish "A New Dietary Paradigm", and one from Gwen at The Sunny Coconut "My Observations on Deprivation in Maintenance." 

Wendy reported on a recent Low Carb/High Fat Summit held in Cape Town, South Africa this week.  Scientists and physicians from all over the world met to discuss their new findings and issue a call for further research on a LCHF diet to treat obesity.  Yes!  I think the research is starting to trickle in and it looks promising.  It is a nice read if you get the chance.

Gwen took the time to address the reality that for some, moderation just isn't going to work.  For many of us, myself included, we just can't eat certain foods that are triggers for our food addiction.  This is something that I've been giving serious self-reflection time to.  I know in my heart, at this time, that there are certain foods that trigger a flood of overeating.  Foods that I keep going back to.  I liked Gwen's "put your big kid pants on" approach to making food choices.  Ultimately we are all responsible for making the choices that we we know to be the most healthy for us.  Sometimes those choices are hard, but that's life.

I gave some thought to both of those issues.  I know that by and large, I need to decrease my carbs.  Bread, peanut butter and cereal are trigger foods for me.  I want them, and when I eat them, I can't stop myself.  It is a scientific fact that carbs, especially refined carbs, cause insulin spikes that lead to weight gain.  Barbara Berkeley, in her book "Refuse to Regain"  saw this time and again with her formerly obese patients.  A body that has lost lots of weight wants to regain that weight and is very receptive to insulin spikes.  So I have to put my big girl pants on, and if I love living a healthy, active, slim life, I need to abstain from certain foods. It is what it is, even though I might go through times trying to justify "trying moderation".  Nope, I can't do that, and really, it's not the end of the world.  It's not like I won't find other wonderful foods to enjoy in my life.  As many have said, the longer you live without something, the less you want it.  I look forward to feeling that way, but I'm in the withdrawal phase right now.  Another great blogger who has a steel spine when it comes to abstinence is Karen at Garden Girl.  She just finished two interesting posts on food addiction.  You should take a peek at her story if you need to bolster your resolve.

Sometimes when I'm feeling low and out of control with regard to my diet, I watch "My 600 Pound Life."  This week I watched an episode (while jogging in place to get some exercise - LOL), and watched in admiration when someone with unimaginable obstacles managed to own up to the fact that they are going to have strong cravings for foods, but they just won't be able to eat them anymore.  Some of the people featured on that show achieve, in my mind, miraculous life changes - not just physical, but emotional.

Sometime though, there are people who have such deeply entrenched denial that they have convinced themselves that they aren't overeating, and are surprised at why they can't lose weight.  I recognize that behavior in me sometimes.  Since I began this journey, I have been better able to call myself on that bullshit.  It's a hopeful sign when I can own up to my behavioral resistance, and forgive and move on in a more positive but firm mindset. In the past, I'd spend far too much time feeling shame, and getting stuck in those behaviors.

So those are my ramblings about my diet these days.  You are a saint for reading this far.

Now on to exercise.

I am blessed to live in a mild climate, so while much of the country is socked in with snow, I've been able to exercise outside.  I've had several lovely hikes that really blew me away.  They were TOUGH, but totally worth it.  My hiking buddy, Mary and I try and hit a trail each week.  Here are some photos from two wonderful hikes.

On the way up to the top of Mt. Woodson and Potato Chip Rock.   Steep, straight-up hike that was about 4 miles round trip (due to parking farther away).  But beautiful and totally worth it!

I collect heart-shaped rocks, and found this on the trail.  The pic was taken at the top of Iron Mountain.  A six mile hike with beautiful terrain, wildflowers and vistas.  A great workout, too. 

I've also been strength training and challenging myself on the treadmill at the gym.  I am finally able to run 2 miles without walking.  Yay for progress!  Thank God for kick-ass music lists that literally carry me on my walking/running workouts, and make me feel like some kind of athletic goddess in my own mind.  I love it!

That's all for me.  I'm still in the game and I'll keep you posted about my journey into ketosis.  I'll post my weight next time -- I'm up about 5 pounds, unfortunately.  

Exciting Happenings, Celebrations

I'm sorry for my long absence from blogging.  I try and post a couple of times per week, but this past week was a crazy one, with lots to celebrate, and celebrate I did.

My husband recently finished his first novel, and early last week he received a very positive review from Kirkus Review.  The reviewer called it "utterly delightful".  Such wonderful news for someone who was brave enough to send his creative ideas out into the world!  It is a lighthearted political satire about a clown who runs for President of the United States.  It's not a mean spirited political book, but simply a sweet story that happens to cast a humorous spotlight on political discourse in the U.S.  If you are interested in that sort of book, it is being offered for free on Amazon until Tuesday (2/24/15).  Right now is only available as an ebook, but it will be available in other formats in the future.

This was the moment that I downloaded my husband's first novel onto my Kindle, one minute after publication.

In addition to my husband's publishing debut, a dear friend of mine defended her doctoral dissertation last week, and I celebrated with her a couple of times.  It was so nice to share that important moment in her life!

So this is where I return to the focus of my blog.  I celebrated WAY too much over the past several days.  My strategy from today onward is to cut back on calories, drink lots and lots of water, and get vigorous exercise.  I've already logged my foods for today since this strategy is a winner for me.  I tend to stick with it pretty well.

When I was on Optifast, I faced several celebrations where I simply said "no" to food.  So now that I'm eating, why is it so darn difficult???  When will I learn that it's much easier to say "no" to things than to try and burn it off later?

This is what I will be working on.  I know now from experience that after a couple of great days under my belt, I'll be feeling right with my healthy lifestyle again.

I have gotten some great hikes in, and will be doing a nice jog today.  We might be expecting some much needed rain, so I'll take advantage of exercising outside for one more day.

That is the latest with me.  Hope you all are enjoying your weekend!

Today's Tools

Each morning after I've prepared lunches, fed breakfast to my children and had my coffee, I sit down for a few minutes before the mad rush and read a couple of blogs featured on my sidebar.  Off and on by the end of the day I get through most of them.

This morning I am supremely grateful that I read Zen Habits' post on Savor Discipline:  Merge the Interests of your Present and Future Selves.  If you are conscious of the argument taking place inside your mind when you are craving something unhealthy, then this is a good little post to read.  My takeaway was an ah-ha about the many, many future selves that are impacted by my immediate choices.  Leo Babauta beautifully proposes a new way to view your immediate choices, sometimes allowing your present self to enjoy the treat, necessitating your future selves to choose the carrot or healthy option.  Most times, though, we can forego immediate pleasure and seek and find pleasure in the healthy foods that will support a healthy and fit life.  Bingo!  This is what I'm seeking to do more of in my life.  Experiencing the pleasure in a bowl of ripe berries.

When I completed the full fast and was reintroducing food, I can't tell you how much pleasure I felt in eating a beautiful salad, a strawberry, or an avocado.  It was incredible to enjoy chewing and tasting the subtle flavors of these healthy foods.

Truthfully, there have been a couple of times since the fast when the donut looked good, and I had one.  I'll be honest and say that the grease tasted terrible.  My memory of eating donuts was much happier than than the pleasure of the present experience eating it.  It is important to make note of that.  It's just food, after all, and if I can develop new pleasurable memories associated with healthy foods, then I think it will pave the way for a healthier life without feeling like I'm sacrificing anything.   I think those new memories will come from repeated mindful experiences enjoying those foods.  I'll work on it.

Facing the Music is Always Good

I want to do a quick check-in after my "turn-around day" yesterday.  It was a great day and I want to share what I learned.

Last night I did my personal "walk of shame" and headed to the center for a Booster meeting.  I listened to my original music playlist, which immediately put my mind in a humble and open place around my weight.  The weigh in was brutal for me (late in the evening, you do the math) but since I had made peace with the increase, I didn't let it get to me.  I felt proud of myself for facing the music.

I was pleasantly surprised by a very meaningful and helpful meeting.  There were just two of us and the leader so we were really able to get to the heart of our anxiety and struggles around eating and maintaining.  The focus of the group was "Simplicity" and we talked about what that word means to us.  She shared the idea of viewing food as a "less is more" proposition, and encouraged us to focus on making beautiful, high quality, healthy choices, displayed creatively.

One of my take aways from the evening was the sense of how important my attitude is in this whole process.  If I am thankful and happy with the beautiful nourishing food before me, then I tend to be satisfied.  I know this about myself, and when I'm in a positive frame of mind about what I'm doing (with anything in life) I am more successful.

When I was on the full fast (treatment phase of this program), I viewed the shakes as a tool to keep me alive and to treat the symptoms of my obesity.  For the longest time, I stayed very true to the program with that positive focus, and it worked very well for me.  When I started thinking about what I was missing, I strayed towards the end.

My personal challenge with this new lifestyle is to keep a positive and thankful view of food.  It is neither the enemy, nor my savior.  It is nourishment, and can be a pleasant experience if I plan it that way.

Interestingly, after my instructor listened to my story and concerns, she picked up right away on how helpful it would be for me to plan out my meals ahead of time.  I know this is a common tool, but she expressed the suggestion as more of a way to plan for good things to eat, even nights out.  Make it a creative, and pleasant experience, and something to look forward to.

So my strategy will be to pre-plan with MyFitnessPal and do this with a positive outlook and look forward to the meals that I have planned.  This worked like a charm yesterday, but today I will do it with a smile on my face, and a grateful heart.

The moral of the story is that good things can happen when I put aside my self-imposed fear and shame and open myself up for help.  Weight is just a number, but ultimately I'm here to learn how to balance food and activity to support a healthy life and weight.  This is the life that I want for my future, so I'm going to keep positively focused on living it each day.

Planning to Succeed

173 lbs.

Well, my eating and tracking have been terrible this past week.  I'm done.  I got dressed up to go to a book group last night, and my stomach felt tight, and I didn't like it one bit.  It scared me and put me in a zone of feeling out of control again.

I hate feeling this way.  Last month I didn't make time to go to my Optifast program Booster class.  I'm supposed to go to one each month for a year.  Part of me didn't want to go in because I have to weigh-in.  Big. Red. Flag.  Avoiding a weigh-in is something I've done in the past.

Well, I'm calling myself out on this old, unhealthy behavior and I'm not going to do that again.  I've made such great progress over the past year, so I need to stay strong and stay the course.  Learning how to eat again (and finding the right thing for ME) is going to take some time, and while I'm heavier now than I want to be, I know that if I keep focused on my diet, and keep striving to achieve more with strength and exercise, I will not only stay where I am, but I will get to back where I want to be.  So I've done something to halt this behavior.

I'm owning up to my weight gain and tonight I'm going into the clinic for my first Booster class.  I'll weigh in and probably cringe, but I'll be there and learn something, and get some tools for this challenging time in my life.

I also entered the next six months worth of classes into my phone calendar.

Planning, planning, planning.

I've planned what I want to eat today and entered it into MyFitnessPal.

Back to grain-free, lower carb eating.  Just healthy, beautiful food that I know makes me feel great.  No more nuts or peanut butter "tastes".  These are triggers for me and I can't eat them.  Slowly I'm going to take back the reigns and change the course I'm on.  Time to get tough and get strong.

That's what's going on with me today.  I hope you all are doing well and staying on course with your programs.

Changes in Attitudes

After an indulgent 24 hours celebrating my son's birthday, and taking bites of unhealthy sweets and chips, I'm finally over it and back on track.

Texas Chocolate Sheet Cake - our official family birthday cake.

I've read many times that you can't out-exercise a bad diet.  That may be true, but I have now experienced a few occasions, when my food choices were not good, I forced myself to get out there and exercise.  I have to say that those workouts weren't really about burning the extra calories.  It was about what it did ABOVE my shoulders.  Exercise hits the re-set button that switches me away from my "old place" of overeating that used to spiral out of control and transitions to my current, healthy, athletic self that is taking control and choosing wisely.

As I jogged one of my favorite beautiful trails today I was thankful for my healthier body.  I enjoyed the feeling of being able to run up hills, and breathe the fresh air.  Today my attitude changed from someone who was eating sugar and feeling tired and unmotivated, to someone who said "no excuses, get out there."  It felt wonderful and was one of my best runs.

Some friends and I have joined together to run/walk 2015 miles in 2015.  I'm ending January with 64.8 miles logged!  I'm also ending the month with sore muscles from strength training.  2015 is going okay so far, and I'll keep challenging myself to make healthy diet and exercise choices so that I can enjoy this active life for as long as possible.

On another note, I've been thinking about changing the name of my blog to something that reflects my new healthy lifestyle and challenges.  I'm very proud of my success using Optifast products, but as I move forward, my reflections have been more than about weight loss.  I haven't come up with a new name, it's just an idea that I'm toying with.  If I do switch, I'll be adding Formerly, Optifast Adventurer so that readers and searchers will know that it's me.

Staying on Track

It's tough!

I feel like it is a real struggle for me to fully get back on track.  I'm trying to figure out if this is just the new "steady state" of being a person who lost lots of weight and now needs to keep it off - the snack and meal decisions that are sometimes perfect and sometimes unhealthy.  I know the unhealthy ones add up.

I could look on the positive side at how far I've come and the new habits that I've acquired, but right now, I need to face the ugly truth.  Peanut butter is crack to me.  I love whole wheat bread, and have started eating it.  I'm feeling more snackish than I did when I wasn't choosing to eat bread.

I just started reading some of my old blog posts, and remembered my Optifast workbook.  These are some of the suggestions:

• Ask yourself if you're really hungry.  If you're not, physically leave the kitchen.
• Do some deep breathing, and let the breath out slowly.  Relax.
• Am I having an emotional trigger?  Go outside, walk around, breathe, find a distraction or ask if this is an issue I can control and evaluate it.
• Fix something to drink.  Make sure that it's not thirst, instead of hunger.
• Get rid of the trigger food(s).  Ugh. 

Tomorrow I'm going to weigh myself since it has been a couple of days.  I know that regular weighing helps me to stay accountable and keeps my head in the game.  I also recently started my TOM so I didn't feel very light, if you know what I mean.

I also notice some correlation with the time of my cycle and my desire to eat more.  Maybe the hormones trigger anxiety, I don't know.  But I sure as heck can practice better coping strategies.  Repeated practice is my only hope for change.

There are no quick fixes, of that I'm certain.  I just wanted to publicly proclaim that I'm not backing down from the challenge.

Completing My First Half Marathon

170 lbs.

Last weekend I completed my first half marathon!  It was a wonderful experience from beginning to end.  Starting off, I got to meet three great women, two of whom I only knew through a blog, or Facebook.  That was really neat.

When I began my weight loss adventure a year ago, I kept pretty quiet with my close circle of friends, and I didn't speak at all about it publicly on Facebook.  After years of trying, it seemed too risky, or I felt like it might be be a pathway to self-sabotage.  Instead, I started this blog, and discovered a world of bloggers who either had gone through, or were currently going through the same experience, sometimes with the same program.  Each day I would check their blogs for the latest news on their progress and experiences.  It was very motivating and inspiring.  These people, along with my Optifast classmates became my primary support system.  I'm living proof that that you can gain a tremendous amount of support from friends you only know online.

Fast forward to one year later, and after commenting on each other's blogs and joining shared Facebook groups, I got to actually meet two wonderful people -- Optifastmom aka Martha, and Jarmila, of the Facebook group From Fat to Finish Line and Optifast Maintenance.  I also met up with Jarmila's friend Peggy, a running veteran. What a cool experience to meet them in person, and put a voice to the picture!

Jarmila and Martha lost weight through Optifast, but they are also kick-ass runners who have logged several races, several half marathons, and in the case of Jarmila, one marathon.  I couldn't ask for better companions and coaches as I prepared for my first half marathon.  It was through reading OptifastMom that I first got the idea to try and jog a little bit during my exercise walks.  Jarmila was also so sweet and kind, offering encouragement and positive energy for this experience.

Martha, me and Jarmila at the Expo to pick up bibs.

Peggy (Jarmila's friend), Jarmila, Martha and me at lunch before the Expo.  Our first meeting!

I'm thrilled to call these wonderful ladies my friends -- no long virtual friends.  We will continue to be there to motivate and encourage one another, and share ideas.  All of us are battling weight maintenance, and it is great to know that I'm not alone in my struggles to keep the weight off.  This is a normal part of life now.

Here are more pictures of race day.

I arrived bright and early, just me and a few assorted workers.  All is quiet. I am wearing one of my favorite sweaters from my overweight days.  I will symbolically shed it during the race.  The clothing is donated to a local charity.

Me, Peggy and Jarmila before the race, at our corral.  Ready to Rock 'n' Roll.

Martha took this pic of me running across the finish line.  I got a second wind at the end and was able to run the last half mile or so.  I completed the race in 3:03 -- ahead of my goal.  It felt great!

Caught up with Martha and posed with our bling.

Post-race beer selfie!

One last photo with my medal, before getting cleaned up!

Diet and Maintenance Musings

Well, I took carb-loading to a new level before and right after the race.  Beans, pita chips, pancakes, banana bread, bagels, enchiladas, margaritas, wine... you get the picture.

It was fun while it lasted, and I admit that it's hard to get back on the wagon after indulging in the foods that I have mostly avoided for so long (wine excluded!).  But here I am, my weight is up, and I have no more excuses to eat.  I'm back to normal running distances, and I also began a weight lifting program at my new gym.  My goal is to build muscle to help build my metabolism.  I'm also going to work very hard to keep to my 1400 calorie limit, and not eat back exercise calories.

It feels good to begin again.  I also know that I'm not alone in my struggles.  I'm reading lots and lots of blogs and Facebook posts from people who are in exactly the same boat and working their way back to better eating and a healthier weight.

I'm taking it one meal and snack at a time.  One decision at a time.  I may not be 100% right now, but my mind and heart are in the game, and I'll take that as a positive sign.

Of course my mind is thinking about all of the special gatherings I have ahead of me.  I'm subbing for a fun Bunco group tonight, and will have to pass on the M&Ms and snacks.  I am having a special gathering with some friends this weekend, and alcohol will be served.  My goal is to have one drink and then pop open the sparkling water.

Valentine's Day, my 25th wedding anniversary, Passover Seder, Easter (we celebrate both), my birthday...etc.  That is only through April.  I was thinking about all of these events, because I've noticed that my life seems to be packed with them all of the time.  I'm very, very lucky to have so many wonderful people and events in my life.  I just have to reframe them differently.  They don't have to be occasions to eat and drink poorly.  When I was on Optifast, I managed them.  It's time for me to really develop a strategy around life events now that I'm eating food.  It will require me to feel so strongly about my health, that I'm willing to pass on opportunities to eat and drink alcohol, or limit the exposure to one day.  Balance.  That is what I'm striving for.  I can and I will.

I'll leave you with a great blog post that I read at The Weight Loss Counter Revolution.  Falling Off the Wagon is a great read!  It's all part of the journey, and we aren't going to be 100% perfect.  It's a good one.

Thoughtful Posts this "Diet Season"

Today is a great day.  I can and I will.

Like many people, I'm struggling to regain my footing after the temptations of the holiday season.  I have good meals and bad meals, good snacks and bad snacks.  I can't say that I blow the whole day, but I have chosen meals or snacks that I know don't fit into my food template.  This is something I want to change, and I will change.

Although I rarely get to watch award shows (living in a house full of men), I was able to watch the Golden Globes a few days ago.  Many of the speeches were wonderful, but there was one that has had a lasting impact on me.  Gina Rodriguez, who won a Best Actress award, recounted a mantra that her father taught her.  "Today is a great day.  I can and I will."

What a powerful mindset in which to start your day.  This phrase really speaks to me with regard to facing my diet challenges.  I CAN see that off-program food, and I WILL say "no" to the inner voice that wants to eat it.  I choose to be a strong, healthy woman.

I read a wonderful, spot-on post today by Diane Carbonell over at Fit to the Finish.  In What To Do When That Food Calls Your Name, Diane gives a voice to those food items that we want to eat, even when we know they are unhealthy for us, or not in alignment with our health goals.  "You need me."  "You deserve me."  "You love me."  I don't know about you, but I sure have heard those voices when faced with unhealthy foods and unfortunately, recently I have caved in.  Diane speaks clearly and honestly about how we feel after caving in.  If you have the chance, please read the full blogpost.

Since the reintroduction of food after my full fast using Optifast 70 products, I've chosen to restrict my carbohydrate intake.   Admittedly, giving up cookies and sweets has been the most difficult part of this, but I also know that I needn't give up sweet treats altogether, as there are a number of low carb desserts and treats to choose from if I get a craving.  I read another great blogpost from the Low Carb Dietician, Five Tips for Achieving Low Carb Weight Loss Success in 2015.  She provided some science-based clarification on approaching a sustainable low carb diet and addressed the issue of high fat, low carb (something to not go too crazy with because of high calories), as well as tips for dining out and eating when you're sick.  It's a great read, and my resolve was bolstered by it.

If you're starting out on your weight loss journey, I wish you the best.  It can be done.  You can and you will.   It doesn't end there, though.  Losing weight is just the start of a lifelong awareness of being healthy and making choices to stay healthy.  It's sometimes discouraging, and right now for me, it is often frightening because I want to feel like I have a handle on it, as an insurance policy against weight gain and going back to how things were.  I want to know that if I follow that "Recipe for Success" to a "T" that I'll be fine.  But I know that for me it's more complicated than that.  My body system is complicated and my mind sometimes fights against me.

This will probably be the last post before I head to Phoenix for the Rock 'n' Roll Half Marathon.  I am under-prepared, but hopeful that I'll finish without injury.  I'm sure it will be an amazing experience.  I will also meet up with some virtual friends who have helped me and inspired me on my weight loss journey.  That means a lot to me!  I'll post photos for sure.

When I was 257 pounds it was intimidating to start exercise and to be seen in a bathing suit or out sweating on the gym machines. It took a great deal of humility and determination to say "to heck with it" and just do what I know was good for my body.  It also didn't take long for me to see positive results -- being stronger, more flexible, going faster for longer periods of time.  Yesterday a friend posted this awesome video that completely inspired me to keep moving and finding my athletic self.   I'll end my post with it and hope that it inspires all of you women with some "jiggle" to keep on going and never look back.  It's like one of those bad-ass Nike videos for us real women.  Enjoy!

The Half Marathon Prep and Playlist

166 lbs. (moving in the right direction)

I'm a little scared, but getting excited about running my first half marathon next weekend.  I've been training to run/walk in equal intervals, and have been maintaining a pace that will help me finish before my goal of 3:30.  Of course, since it's my first big race, I'm not sure how I'll do given the unfamiliar course, and my own well being on the race day.  13.1 miles will be my longest distance, even in training.  I plan to have my last long run tomorrow and will make it 11 miles, then I'm going to rest and only do a couple of short walks to keep moving.  I admit that I'm not doing this according to a training schedule.  I'm committed to changing that for future races, and will be more disciplined.

My diet has been mostly on target, with a couple of off-days.  I'm happy to see my weight move down, and I'll continue to add in some low calorie meal replacements to help spur further weight loss.  It would be nice to be down another pound or two before the race.

The Playlist

When I discovered the power of music on my mental focus and physical performance, it was a game-changer for me.  Right from the start of my weight loss journey, I made playlists and listened to them one or more times per day as a means of staying focused on my diet/health or increasing my exercise stamina.  I've written about it here and here.  Making a self-reflective and encouraging playlist was probably one of my top tools on this journey.  Some people may have a mantra that they repeat every day, but for me, when I hear this music in the car, or when I'm walking, I'm reminded of the day that I began my weight loss, and I focus on that mindset.

I've created playlists for my exercise as well.  When I subscribed to the FitRadio app, my walking tempo increased dramatically, and then I found myself starting to jog in spots.  That is when I started to love exercising.  Recently I learned about the Amazon Prime Music App, which gives Prime members access to an incredible amount of free music that can be downloaded onto your phone, and does not require data to access.  I found lots of "Cardio Workout" music and culled the internet for recommendations on favorite workout songs.  I've found some excellent music that I never would have found otherwise.  It's not all music that I listen to for pleasure, but it has 138-150 bpm, which keeps me walking or jogging 4.0-5mph, and I admit, it kind of kicks up the endorphins!

Here's the list I made for my half marathon training and race (I shuffle it).  Some of the songs I have in my playlist more than once because they have such a positive effect on me, or they have the perfect tempo.  I'm still adding to it!

Days Go By, The Offspring
Be Good to Yourself, Journey
New Shoes, Paolo Nutini
Gangsta's Paradise, Coolio
Give Love, MC Yogi
Cup of Life, Ricky Martin
Let's Go, Calvin Harris
Under African Skies, Paul Simon
The Obvious Child, Paul Simon
Live Your Life, T.I.
Just the Way You Are, Cardio Workout
Further to Fly, Paul Simon
Firework, Katie Perry
Just Like Heaven, The Cure
Mrs. Robinson, The Lemonheads
Stuck in a Moment, U2
Beautiful Day, U2
Veronica, Elvis Costello
Mambo No. 5, Lou Bega
The Distance, Cake
Remember the Name, Fort Minor
Shine Like a New Pin, Camera Obscura
Such Great Heights, The Postal Service
Friday I'm In Love, The Cure
Lo Boob Oscillator, Stereolab
Viva la Vida, Coldplay
Evangeline, Los Lobos
Industrial Disease, Dire Straits
If You Want Blood, AC/DC
Temptation, New Order
Get Ur Freak On, Missy Elliott
Runaway Baby, Bruno Mars
C'Mon, Tiesto & Diplo
Music, Darude
Feel the Beat, Darude
I Ran, Darude
Born at the Right Time, Paul Simon

One Year, No Fear

170.6 lbs.  (post-cruise damage, new year starting point)

"One Year, No Fear" is what will be printed on my bib for the Rock 'n' Roll Half Marathon.  It commemorates the first anniversary of the healthy weight loss adventure that I began exactly one year ago today.  Here is what I wrote that day.

I'd like to talk about a couple of things in this post.  First, I'll give a little update on the cruise that I just returned from last night.  Finally, I'll talk about my new weight and fitness goals and strategies.  I must keep moving forward because I have plenty of experiences to remind me of how much more fun it is to live in a healthier body.  It is worth working for.

The Cruise

We just returned from a beautiful seven night Caribbean cruise with my brother and his family.  It was a very active and adventurous trip and we created some special family memories together.  Here are the highlights:

• I kept up with my training runs and clocked in almost 25 miles over the 7 day cruise (ran 5 of the 7 days).  I was able to use my fitbit to track the distance, but I missed my usual phone apps due to the lack of phone service.  Oh well.  
• On New Year's Eve I did a long run, 7 miles, and by the stroke of midnight, ended 2014 with over 28,000 steps on my fitbit from all the running, walking and dancing :-)  It was an awesome way to end 2014!  
• I was able to stick with my eating program of protein, vegetables and fruit for two of the three meals per day, but when dinner rolled around, I enjoyed a few sugary cocktails or glasses of wine, as well as bread and dessert every night.  I could have made better choices, but I had planned for this.  My water intake was pretty low most days, too, though I brought my water bottle and tried to keep it filled up and nearby most of the time.
• Tried and succeeded at stand up paddle boarding!!!  I don't have that picture yet, but I'll post it some day when my brother sends it.  It was so much fun, and ticks a box on my bucket list.  Awesome!
• Tubed a winding river and hiked to and through water falls.  I even jumped off a cliff into a deep pool of spring water!  I wore a bathing suit in public the whole time, and while I felt a little self-conscious, I knew it was okay.
• Enjoyed swimming and snorkeling for two of the days and saw some amazing coral and fish.  It was the best snorkeling of my life.  I took my younger son snorkeling for his first time, and will never forget his reaction to swimming with schools of beautiful, colorful fish.  Priceless.
• Walked all over the place and danced the night away on New Year's Eve with my family and was able to keep up with the group without a problem.  
• Fit into airline seats, shuttle seats, deck chairs, trolley cars, inner tubes.  I was able to lay down in the sand, and get back up again without help.  These are some of the sensitive issues that I faced in the past.

There are many, many choices that I could have made differently, but I planned to splurge and my weight reflects it.  I enjoyed the family time with my brother and his family.  We played lots of games together, and of course, went on lots of adventures.  I really enjoyed myself on this trip, now that I'm in better shape!

Watching the sunrise during my morning runs on deck.

My Weight and Fitness Goals for the New Year

Weight Goals:  The beginning of this year I will focus my attention on getting my weight back down to a healthier level.  I am well above where I want to be, and I can feel how the extra weight is making my knees more sore after running, and my pants a little tighter.  I'm going to do a mixture of meal/snack replacements (Optifast, protein smoothies) and soup/"lean and green" meals.  While away on the cruise, I was not able to continue my almost one-year MyFitnessPal logging streak, so that begins again, and I look forward to starting over.  I will look back on some of my earlier menus and calorie levels and try and get back to losing 1-2 pounds per week until I reach my new weight goal, which is 148 lbs.  This will get me into the healthy BMI range and will give me some wiggle room for a healthy weight maintenance range.  In the past, when I have set a time frame on weight loss, I have sabotaged myself.  For now, I'm going to give myself this year to reach my weight goal, and really look at it as a process of learning how to balance times of excess eating with the majority of time eating leaner and healthier snacks and meals.  My goal is to establish a pattern of balance with regard to eating (tracking my food) and get down to 148 lbs.

Fitness Goals:  In a couple of weeks I'm going to run/walk my first half marathon, the PF Chang's Rock 'n' Roll Half Marathon in Phoenix.   For this first race, my goal is to finish in 3:30.  They start sweeping up the stragglers at 4 hours, so I really, really just want to finish!  Up to this point though, I haven't been very structured about training schedules or fitness classes.  I am going to shift my focus to building more muscle and running farther and faster.  My gym offers a strength class two days per week, and so I'm going to make a firm date with myself and start attending both sessions.  I'm also going to re-start the C25K app and run three 5K races this year without walking - I'll be looking at some upcoming races to sign up for.  Some of my Optifast Maintainer friends on Facebook have invited me to join them on a team to run 2015 miles in 2015.  I still need to get the details on this, but I'm all-in!  My fitness goal is to develop a structure to my workouts and running training.

That's where it all stands right now.  No Fear.  More details on all of this to come.  If you are new to Optifast and have stumbled upon my blog, please feel free to make comments or ask questions.  I'm happy to help support you! Happy New Year everyone!

2014 End of Year Wrap-Up

167 lbs.  (Head hanging low - but keeping perspective - what a year!)

What A Difference A Year Makes

Today I went in for my post-Optifast body assessment.  I weighed in and started out very disappointed in my weight gain (14 lbs. since stopping the full fast), but my mood changed considerably as I reviewed the year with my counselor.

Here is how much things have changed since 12/17/13, when I had my initial body assessment:

                            12/17/13     12/23/14
Upper Arms:          16"              11.5"
Chest:                     46.5"           37.5"
Waist:                     46.5"           34.75"
Hips:                       55"              42.5"
BMI:                       45                29
Body Fat%            No Tst.          34.8%


Here are my pre and post Optifast body assessment photos;

It's very motivating for me to see this right now.  Looking at the two photos, taken in the same room exactly one year apart, really gives me the fire to keep going on this journey.  I have about 15-20 pounds to lose, and most importantly, I need to learn to bounce back from special occasion eating and weight gain.  I'm a work in progress for sure, and I'll continue to reach out for help and do what it takes to stay healthy and live joyfully.

Here I am at the beginning of 2013

In 2013 I was tired and felt hopeless about my chances for getting healthy.  I traveled a lot, very uncomfortably.  That year I went to several countries in Europe and Asia and across the US for both work and pleasure.  It was a great adventure and I wished that I could have have felt like I do now!  But I can't focus on the past.  I just have to look forward to more memories with a healthier me.

Hello, new fancier, sportier me!

I'm back on track today with my eating, and I'm going to resist going into a shame spiral about my recent holiday splurges.  Today I'm going to have a beautiful, long run.  Here are some shots of a nice morning run that I had over the weekend.

This is a lovely trail near my home.  The pic on the right is of a herd of grazing deer. 

It has been an amazing year, and I couldn't have done it without the support of family, friends and virtual friends.  Thank you for your continued support.   I'm off on a cruise starting Friday, so I'll be out of communication for a couple of weeks.  I'm going to try to eat protein and veggies 90% of the time, with a couple of indulgences along the way.  I'll be walking, snorkeling and hiking, and of course, running on the shipboard treadmill to stay on track for the half marathon!

Here's to a Happy and Healthy 2015!

Keeping a Handle on Holiday Eating

When people say that the holidays can be a diet buster, I finally know the full extent of what they are talking about.  In the last several years, I can't say that I did much dieting over the holidays.  In fact, this was the perfect time to have one last hurrah before the January 1st New Year's Resolutions.  The temptations and opportunities are numerous, and it is built into social norms to imbibe in special food and drink.  I took full advantage of holiday eating in years past, and experienced the dull ache of guilt sprinkled throughout the days, like a Christmas cookie.

This year is completely different though.  I'm in the throws of trying to keep my weight off now, and I'm living a life that is much happier because of the weight loss.  But that doesn't mean that my choices have been stellar.  For the first time, really, I'm feeling the diet challenge posed by the holiday season.  The barrage of holiday parties, sweets, family events and gatherings (including the kids' finals and semester-end school projects and activities) have made it a real struggle for me to choose wisely.  The BLT's (bites, licks and tastes), and the full-on mindless choices of taking from the bread basket and having a second glass of wine, all add up quickly and the scale has moved up in response to it.  But unlike years past, I am aware of it, and I care about it.

These are the small gains that are written about in diet books.  They are the pounds that people often fail to shed, and that accumulate over time until all the weight is gained back.  Last night I took some time to think about what this month is all about.  I would have to say that for a person who is fighting a weight battle, it's the toughest fight of the year.

But does this weakened state of affairs mean that I'm defeated? No way!

It IS a battle that will require me to try harder and smarter so that I can regain my footing.

Last night I started re-reading Dr. Barbara Berkeley's "Refuse to Regain."  I read it a couple of months ago, when I first started transitioning to food.  It gives me a wake-up call to "warrior-up" and be strong in the face of challenges to my weight maintenance.  It reminds me of how my body, as a formerly obese person, is different than that of the person who was never overweight, and that I'm particularly sensitive to the "S Foods" (sugar and starch).  According to Dr. Berkeley, and my own observations, these foods cause insulin spikes that lead to rapid weight gain and increased cravings in people like me.  My formerly plump fat cells lie in wait for that insulin response, and they are ready to fill themselves up again.

If you haven't read this book, I highly recommend it.  There is very little written about weight maintenance, and this book fills that void, with science-backed recommendations.

I've been giving some thought (again) to integrating Optifast products just to help manage my diet and get the excess weight off.  Why I have hesitated, I don't know, but I will start replacing at least some of my meals/snacks each day so that I don't put myself in the position of "waiting until the first of the year."  That is the pattern of the "old me" and now I know the physical and mental advantage derived from beginning right away.  While I would like to think that being able to manage my weight exclusively with real food is best, given how important it is to maintain my weight loss as a "weight loss rookie", it is most important to keep my weight regain at bay in the fastest possible way.  I will do that with a combination of meal replacements and whole foods.

I will probably write one more blog post this week before I leave on a 7 day cruise with my family.  It has been quite a year!  Thank you for sharing it with me.

Freedom

161 lbs.

FREEDOM!

Yesterday I finished my Optifast Maintenance class.  This was the final weekly class of my program at the clinic, and I'll move on to attending monthly Booster classes for as least a year, and hopefully longer.  I consider this a huge milestone for me.  I officially completed my program, but the new life continues on.  We did an exercise of remembering what life was like at our heaviest.  I have the benefit of looking back at the beginning of this blog to keep those memories fresh in my mind. (My First Post) but it was wonderful, nonetheless, to really look at how much better my life is now that I'm not carrying the extra weight.  The best word I can use to describe how I feel is "Free".

• Free from the chronic pain of sciatica and Achilles tendonitis
• Free to blend in during social situations and out in the world
• Free from the feeling that I might die soon of a heart attack. (I frequently worried about this.)
• Free to buy and wear any kind of clothing I want at a normal store (and free to choose a personal style!)
• Free to engage in fun physical activities with family and friends - hiking, kayaking, walking distances, swimming in public, yoga and many adventures ahead!
• Free from the anxiety of fitting into chairs, booths, amusement park rides, cars, boats
• Free to travel on airplanes in comfort, with room between me and the next person
• Free from immediate and unconscious episodes of emotional eating
• Free from the cravings induced by a diet consisting primarily of carbohydrates
• Free from the embarrassment and disappointment in myself for not getting a handle on my weight and health.

Basically, many wonderful things I want to do in this life, my only life, I am able to do now because I shed the extra weight.  That is freaking glorious!  

Am I a perfect physical specimen?  Nah.  I'm still a little heavier than I maybe could be.  I'm working on it and have a lifetime to tweak my diet and weight numbers.  There is still so much for me to learn through the maintenance process, but I don't feel pressured to have to have all the answers right now. 

I also have physical activity goals.  I'm training for the Rock n Roll Half Marathon (will run/walk it), and I hope to one day be able to run a complete 5K without stopping.  There are many more strength and speed goals that I'll be able to challenge myself with.

DIET TWEAKING

As I mentioned, I'm still trying to figure things out with my diet. The scale has been creeping up despite relatively clean eating and lots of exercise, so I have decided to switch gears a bit.  Since starting my Maintenance class, I rationalized a few more carbs than I had initially intended to eat.  Even though I lowered my calorie level, I have seen the scale creep up and down, but really not move down consistently.  I have some of my Optifast products as a back up, but I'd really love to try and figure out a sustainable way of eating so that I can maintain my weight (and lose the few pounds I gained since stopping the fast)  I realize that I've put on muscle since I stopped the fast.  I'm lifting weights, hiking and jogging.  I'd just like to keep building the muscle, but lose some of the stored fat as well.  My clothes all fit fine, so I think I'm looking at a a body fat/muscle % issue now.

In effort to be as transparent as possible, and in case anyone is interested in the wild musings of someone tweaking their diet, I will share with you my new dietary plan/experiment.  I've decided to lower my carbohydrate intake considerably.  I'm striving to keep it under 10% of my calories, and make up the calories with healthy fats and reasonable (not excessive) protein.  My carbs will come from vegetables grown above ground and some berries.   I've been reading about a ketogenic diet, and want to try it.  I have two hopes for this plan.  I'm looking to burn my stored fat as my primary energy source (by staying in ketosis) and I'd like to be able to raise my calories (to 1500-1700 kcals) in an effort to help rev my metabolism a bit.  I'm exercising a great deal, and I don't think 1300 kcals is enough for me.  One wild card in this way of eating will be its impact on my athletic performance.  I will see if I can run and hike as vigorously on a low level of carbs.  It remains to be seen, and I'll let you all know.

I'm giving this experiment two weeks and I'm weighing myself daily to see how it goes.

That's it for me for now.  I hope all of you are enjoying. and not stressing over the holiday season too much.  I'm making spiced nuts to give out as gifts for my neighbors.  I'm sure cookies will be brought into the house, but I'll try and be strong! We are having an "experience" Christmas this year.  We cashed in our frequent flyer miles and booked a cruise for Dec. 26th.  So we're not doing very many presents this year.  Everyone is happy with that plan, and I'm finished with all of my family shopping.  Snorkels for everyone!