Practicing Peace in Times of War

I just read this wonderful quote by Pema Chodron, taken from her book Practicing Peace in Times of War and quoted from the Shambhala Blog)

When you’re like a keg of dynamite just about to go off, patience means just slowing down at that point—just pausing—instead of immediately acting on your usual, habitual response. You refrain from acting, you stop talking to yourself, and then you connect with the soft spot. But at the same time you are completely and totally honest with yourself about what you are feeling. You’re not suppressing anything; patience has nothing to do with suppression. In fact, it has everything to do with a gentle, honest relationship with yourself. If you wait and don’t fuel the rage with your thoughts, you can be very honest about the fact that you long for revenge; nevertheless you keep interrupting the torturous story line and stay with the underlying vulnerability. That frustration, that uneasiness and vulnerability, is nothing solid. And yet it is painful to experience. Still, just wait and be patient with your anguish and with the discomfort of it. This means relaxing with that restless, hot energy—knowing that it’s the only way to find peace for ourselves or the world.

This mindfulness practice has been very helpful to me as I work through the uncertainties of my life, and the stresses caused by sudden change.  I won't lie to you - I've been drawn to food.  I've felt like I was moving against a familiar and dangerous current trying to sweep me away.  My old unhealthy coping strategies are pushing against the new direction and momentum I've developed these past few months.  This has been a good test.  I'm choosing to feel the feelings, talk about them and write about them, and I can't believe that it's helping.  I'm strong enough to move through the current and get to safety.

Life isn't all rage and anguish.  We're figuring things out and some of it is very exciting.  And I still have the daily pleasures of a kind husband, sweet kids, a growing garden, a smaller/healthier body, my first private practice client, and the peacefulness of walking during a pale pink sunset.

I don't take those good things for granted.

I hope you all are doing well on your own healthy adventures, and I wish you the very best.

Week 9 Weigh In: Speaking Up

225.5 lbs

One pound down and I am not looking back.  I guess my body is making an adjustment, so who am I to judge? I judge, I admit it.  Sigh.

Well, onto to something more interesting.  Tonight's class was really helpful.  We discussed the difference between what we need and what we want.  My answer to what I need is for me to put my wellness in the forefront of my life from now on.  Participating in this program is giving me some practice.  On nearly a daily basis I am faced with adjustments to accommodate my fast - whether they are social or emotional.  I need to speak up daily so that I can stay on the program and reach my goals.

Our leader went over how we can ask for what we need.

• Directly and concisely articulate our need
• State why it is important to us
• Explain what we need the person to do to support that need
• Express what the positive outcome will be when we are able to get the need met. 

I thought long and hard about this exercise in relation to some of my needs.  I realized that the person I most need to have this discussion with is actually me.  So here is the conversation that I need to have with myself.

• I need to achieve and maintain a healthy, normal weight
• This will help me feel better, live more actively and stave off disease and mobility issues
• I need to own my goals and make choices and decisions that will support the healthy lifestyle that will get me there
• If I make the right choices I will feel more energetic, be able to have more fun, and hopefully feel better as I grow older.  I will also feel proud of myself and my self-esteem will grow.

The point of this exercise is that when we are not getting our needs met, we get stressed, and then turn to food for comfort.  It makes a lot of sense, and I can see how just a couple of unhealthy choices have led me to a slippery slope of overeating.  Or when I need more support from my family, and don't speak up, I can feel resentful and stressed and overeat to fill that void.

I always have lots to think about after these meetings.  This one cuts close to the issues of why I overeat, so it is particularly meaningful.  As for the rate of my weight loss, I'm not going to complain.  This program has been very effective for me, and the smaller loss this week is a reminder that I'm not a robot, and that I need to have patience with the changes happening to my body and let it adjust.

I hope all of you are having a great week.  Thanks for stopping by to read my humble blog.