Diet Hardball and Happy Hiking

During the past few days I have slowly gotten my groove back.  I am in the process of getting back into ketosis, and getting my workouts in.  I'm trying to approach this with a spirit of enthusiasm.

There have been a number of positive influences on me in the past week.  A number of my blogger friends have posted about food addiction and eating.  Here is a great post by my friend Wendy at Fitter At Fourtyish "A New Dietary Paradigm", and one from Gwen at The Sunny Coconut "My Observations on Deprivation in Maintenance." 

Wendy reported on a recent Low Carb/High Fat Summit held in Cape Town, South Africa this week.  Scientists and physicians from all over the world met to discuss their new findings and issue a call for further research on a LCHF diet to treat obesity.  Yes!  I think the research is starting to trickle in and it looks promising.  It is a nice read if you get the chance.

Gwen took the time to address the reality that for some, moderation just isn't going to work.  For many of us, myself included, we just can't eat certain foods that are triggers for our food addiction.  This is something that I've been giving serious self-reflection time to.  I know in my heart, at this time, that there are certain foods that trigger a flood of overeating.  Foods that I keep going back to.  I liked Gwen's "put your big kid pants on" approach to making food choices.  Ultimately we are all responsible for making the choices that we we know to be the most healthy for us.  Sometimes those choices are hard, but that's life.

I gave some thought to both of those issues.  I know that by and large, I need to decrease my carbs.  Bread, peanut butter and cereal are trigger foods for me.  I want them, and when I eat them, I can't stop myself.  It is a scientific fact that carbs, especially refined carbs, cause insulin spikes that lead to weight gain.  Barbara Berkeley, in her book "Refuse to Regain"  saw this time and again with her formerly obese patients.  A body that has lost lots of weight wants to regain that weight and is very receptive to insulin spikes.  So I have to put my big girl pants on, and if I love living a healthy, active, slim life, I need to abstain from certain foods. It is what it is, even though I might go through times trying to justify "trying moderation".  Nope, I can't do that, and really, it's not the end of the world.  It's not like I won't find other wonderful foods to enjoy in my life.  As many have said, the longer you live without something, the less you want it.  I look forward to feeling that way, but I'm in the withdrawal phase right now.  Another great blogger who has a steel spine when it comes to abstinence is Karen at Garden Girl.  She just finished two interesting posts on food addiction.  You should take a peek at her story if you need to bolster your resolve.

Sometimes when I'm feeling low and out of control with regard to my diet, I watch "My 600 Pound Life."  This week I watched an episode (while jogging in place to get some exercise - LOL), and watched in admiration when someone with unimaginable obstacles managed to own up to the fact that they are going to have strong cravings for foods, but they just won't be able to eat them anymore.  Some of the people featured on that show achieve, in my mind, miraculous life changes - not just physical, but emotional.

Sometime though, there are people who have such deeply entrenched denial that they have convinced themselves that they aren't overeating, and are surprised at why they can't lose weight.  I recognize that behavior in me sometimes.  Since I began this journey, I have been better able to call myself on that bullshit.  It's a hopeful sign when I can own up to my behavioral resistance, and forgive and move on in a more positive but firm mindset. In the past, I'd spend far too much time feeling shame, and getting stuck in those behaviors.

So those are my ramblings about my diet these days.  You are a saint for reading this far.

Now on to exercise.

I am blessed to live in a mild climate, so while much of the country is socked in with snow, I've been able to exercise outside.  I've had several lovely hikes that really blew me away.  They were TOUGH, but totally worth it.  My hiking buddy, Mary and I try and hit a trail each week.  Here are some photos from two wonderful hikes.

On the way up to the top of Mt. Woodson and Potato Chip Rock.   Steep, straight-up hike that was about 4 miles round trip (due to parking farther away).  But beautiful and totally worth it!

I collect heart-shaped rocks, and found this on the trail.  The pic was taken at the top of Iron Mountain.  A six mile hike with beautiful terrain, wildflowers and vistas.  A great workout, too. 

I've also been strength training and challenging myself on the treadmill at the gym.  I am finally able to run 2 miles without walking.  Yay for progress!  Thank God for kick-ass music lists that literally carry me on my walking/running workouts, and make me feel like some kind of athletic goddess in my own mind.  I love it!

That's all for me.  I'm still in the game and I'll keep you posted about my journey into ketosis.  I'll post my weight next time -- I'm up about 5 pounds, unfortunately.  

Fooling Myself

A few of the blogs that I follow brought the program "My 600 Pound Life" to my attention.  I watched an episode yesterday that broke my heart on many levels, but also got me thinking about my own issues related to weight.  The woman they featured, named Penny, was bed-ridden.  Her husband cares for her 24/7 and they have a 6 year old son.  She expressed a strong desire to be able to live for their son, and that was her inspiration for getting weight loss surgery.

What followed was an examination of how her troubling delusions, along with her husband's inability to be a supportive leader in a new healthy life, kept her from successfully achieving her dreams.  Her lies to herself and others-- about following the prescribed diet, about her efforts to become mobile were both painful to watch, yet struck a somewhat familiar chord for me.  Since I have had a lifetime of being overweight and trying to change, I can see how I have harbored my own delusions about how hard I try or how faithfully I follow a healthy eating plan.  Then when I step on the scale, I am faced with a disappointing outcome.  This has happened over and over.

It's never comfortable to confront the lies we tell ourselves.  When I think back, I know that an evening of lasagna, wine, bread and dessert, NOT followed by more activity will result in weight gain.  But it was so easy for me to go on the next day, not willing or motivated to move my butt - ignoring the truth.  Time after time of this has resulted in where I am today.  This is exactly why I feel that weight loss is so much more than following a healthy eating plan.  Almost as importantly, we need psychological support to help us through the process.

Many chat boards, doctors and even the family and friends in our lives are puzzled by why we can't just eat less and move more to lose weight.  In the face of so much judgement from everyone, I have felt paralyzed by my own shame in not being able to follow through with what is necessary for me to become healthy.  So now with my Optifast group, while not a traditional group therapy class, at least I am exploring what is necessary in the company of others who are in the same struggle.  I don't have to have my defenses up, and can know that I'm not alone in this journey, and that I'm not an outlier in my behaviors.

Even as I write this, I'm not sure that I'll be able to re-enter the world of eating and be empowered to do it differently.  This scares me and is why I enjoy reading the blogs of people who have lost a lot of weight and are continuing the healthy lifestyle.  I'm going to keep reading and keep this in my consciousness as I go along with the journey.

So I think of Penny, not with loathing and anger, but with compassion for someone who hasn't quite gotten all the help she needs yet.  Her husband needs the same level of psychological care as well.  We are all a part of a family system, and if one person is out of whack, then it's difficult for all of the others in the group.  But with the right help, things can eventually change.  I believe that.

I will keep on this Optifast Adventure and explore new issues that I come upon.  I will seek new strategies that will support ways of thinking that are truthful and that reinforce the strength that I know resides inside of me.  I know that this will nurture the thoughts and actions congruent with the life I desire.