Completing My First Half Marathon

170 lbs.

Last weekend I completed my first half marathon!  It was a wonderful experience from beginning to end.  Starting off, I got to meet three great women, two of whom I only knew through a blog, or Facebook.  That was really neat.

When I began my weight loss adventure a year ago, I kept pretty quiet with my close circle of friends, and I didn't speak at all about it publicly on Facebook.  After years of trying, it seemed too risky, or I felt like it might be be a pathway to self-sabotage.  Instead, I started this blog, and discovered a world of bloggers who either had gone through, or were currently going through the same experience, sometimes with the same program.  Each day I would check their blogs for the latest news on their progress and experiences.  It was very motivating and inspiring.  These people, along with my Optifast classmates became my primary support system.  I'm living proof that that you can gain a tremendous amount of support from friends you only know online.

Fast forward to one year later, and after commenting on each other's blogs and joining shared Facebook groups, I got to actually meet two wonderful people -- Optifastmom aka Martha, and Jarmila, of the Facebook group From Fat to Finish Line and Optifast Maintenance.  I also met up with Jarmila's friend Peggy, a running veteran. What a cool experience to meet them in person, and put a voice to the picture!

Jarmila and Martha lost weight through Optifast, but they are also kick-ass runners who have logged several races, several half marathons, and in the case of Jarmila, one marathon.  I couldn't ask for better companions and coaches as I prepared for my first half marathon.  It was through reading OptifastMom that I first got the idea to try and jog a little bit during my exercise walks.  Jarmila was also so sweet and kind, offering encouragement and positive energy for this experience.

Martha, me and Jarmila at the Expo to pick up bibs.

Peggy (Jarmila's friend), Jarmila, Martha and me at lunch before the Expo.  Our first meeting!

I'm thrilled to call these wonderful ladies my friends -- no long virtual friends.  We will continue to be there to motivate and encourage one another, and share ideas.  All of us are battling weight maintenance, and it is great to know that I'm not alone in my struggles to keep the weight off.  This is a normal part of life now.

Here are more pictures of race day.

I arrived bright and early, just me and a few assorted workers.  All is quiet. I am wearing one of my favorite sweaters from my overweight days.  I will symbolically shed it during the race.  The clothing is donated to a local charity.

Me, Peggy and Jarmila before the race, at our corral.  Ready to Rock 'n' Roll.

Martha took this pic of me running across the finish line.  I got a second wind at the end and was able to run the last half mile or so.  I completed the race in 3:03 -- ahead of my goal.  It felt great!

Caught up with Martha and posed with our bling.

Post-race beer selfie!

One last photo with my medal, before getting cleaned up!

Diet and Maintenance Musings

Well, I took carb-loading to a new level before and right after the race.  Beans, pita chips, pancakes, banana bread, bagels, enchiladas, margaritas, wine... you get the picture.

It was fun while it lasted, and I admit that it's hard to get back on the wagon after indulging in the foods that I have mostly avoided for so long (wine excluded!).  But here I am, my weight is up, and I have no more excuses to eat.  I'm back to normal running distances, and I also began a weight lifting program at my new gym.  My goal is to build muscle to help build my metabolism.  I'm also going to work very hard to keep to my 1400 calorie limit, and not eat back exercise calories.

It feels good to begin again.  I also know that I'm not alone in my struggles.  I'm reading lots and lots of blogs and Facebook posts from people who are in exactly the same boat and working their way back to better eating and a healthier weight.

I'm taking it one meal and snack at a time.  One decision at a time.  I may not be 100% right now, but my mind and heart are in the game, and I'll take that as a positive sign.

Of course my mind is thinking about all of the special gatherings I have ahead of me.  I'm subbing for a fun Bunco group tonight, and will have to pass on the M&Ms and snacks.  I am having a special gathering with some friends this weekend, and alcohol will be served.  My goal is to have one drink and then pop open the sparkling water.

Valentine's Day, my 25th wedding anniversary, Passover Seder, Easter (we celebrate both), my birthday...etc.  That is only through April.  I was thinking about all of these events, because I've noticed that my life seems to be packed with them all of the time.  I'm very, very lucky to have so many wonderful people and events in my life.  I just have to reframe them differently.  They don't have to be occasions to eat and drink poorly.  When I was on Optifast, I managed them.  It's time for me to really develop a strategy around life events now that I'm eating food.  It will require me to feel so strongly about my health, that I'm willing to pass on opportunities to eat and drink alcohol, or limit the exposure to one day.  Balance.  That is what I'm striving for.  I can and I will.

I'll leave you with a great blog post that I read at The Weight Loss Counter Revolution.  Falling Off the Wagon is a great read!  It's all part of the journey, and we aren't going to be 100% perfect.  It's a good one.

Thankful for Support

161.4 lbs

I had a very self-indulgent evening with food and beverages last night.  Logged it all and accepted the big red numbers on MyFitnessPal.

I fessed up, and my friends on MFP were very warm and supportive.  I'm so thankful for this community of people that I have to help me through the ups and downs of building a healthy life.  The supportive energy and kindness does reduce the sting considerably and is helpful in moving on.  And we know that being able to move on is the key to success with weight loss and maintenance.

If you haven't joined one of these groups, I highly recommend it.  In the case of MFP, you have to choose wisely.  Not everyone is open to helping/accepting people on the paths of their choosing.  Sometimes you get snarky, mean people who care only for their way doing diet and exercise and want to tear down anyone finding success in other ways.  Don't be discouraged by them, keep looking.  In addition to following the interesting blogs on the side of my blog page, I recently joined an Optifast Maintenance Facebook page, which is also full of great people who are building healthy lives.

Switching inspirational gears, today I came across a great quote from my favorite Buddhist teacher, Pema Chodron.  I just love her, plain and simple.

How To Build Inner Strength - Posted on the Shambhala Blog

You build inner strength through embracing the totality of your experience, both the delightful parts and the difficult parts. Embracing the totality of your experience is one definition of having loving-kindness for yourself. Loving-kindness for yourself does not mean making sure you’re feeling good all the time—trying to set up your life so that you’re comfortable every moment. Rather, it means setting up your life so that you have time for meditation and self-reflection, for kindhearted, compassionate self-honesty. In this way you become more attuned to seeing when you’re biting the hook, when you’re getting caught in the undertow of emotions, when you’re grasping and when you’re letting go. This is the way you become a true friend to yourself just as you are, with both your laziness and your bravery. There is no step more important than this.

From Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change by Pema Chödrön, page 53

Week 32 Weigh-In: The Power of Support

162.5 lbs.

It was nice to be back in my Optifast group tonight, and I came away with an appreciation for how resilient human beings are, and how nice it is to reach out for support and positive energy during tough times.  Many of my group members are in the middle of extremely stressful circumstances, and yet there we were, sitting in our class, carving out time to share our feelings, gain support and validation from group members, and in turn, offer our support and encouragement to those in need. I'm finding that both of those actions - the giving and the receiving - are equally important to the healing process.  

I have often felt uncomfortable asking for help.  I don't know if it was some kind of notion that I would be admitting weakness, or appear vulnerable to others.  The idea of sharing  my struggles and receiving support is not something that comes naturally to me.  But through this process, I have come to realize the strength and understanding that can be developed during the group support process.  I also feel very happy that at times I can validate and encourage others as well.  This process can bring out the best in people.  I have learned to trust, let go of my hang-ups, and humbly receive the support and encouragement from my group as they patiently listen to my challenges.  I also realize that I have things to say and experiences to share that might be of help to them, and that has been a fulfilling experience.

In the past when I have felt stressed out, I would find myself wanting to bail out of group meetings or healthy activities (like exercise) even though I knew they would help me in the long run.  I don't know why at this time in my life, something clicked and I am suddenly carving out this time to care for myself and offer support to others who are walking this same road.  I'm missing many of son's soccer games and putting off chores and gatherings with friends.  But Thursdays have become my sacred time for the purpose of focusing on my relationship with food, and exploring issues with others who are trying to heal as well.  I have never experienced a group process like this one, and I have to say that it has helped me tremendously.

Additionally, starting this blog and writing out my thoughts on this experience has been a big part of my healing.  I've been blessed with the support of readers and other bloggers, and have found tremendous inspiration from others who are writing about their weight loss and maintenance experiences, or logging their activity on MyFitnessPal.  I'm a lurker on many blogs, and their words have inspired and touched me.  I've immersed myself in a complete culture of support, and I can honestly say that I would never have gotten this far without my group and my online community.

I hope all of you are finding the support that you need at this time.

Week 8 Weigh In

226.5

Officially 30.5 pounds down baby!

Tonight in our class, I wrote a break-up letter to a food that I find irresistible -- chips.  Acknowledging that chips are a food that I can't control myself around, I had been thinking of this break-up for a while.  I could have chosen a number of foods for this exercise.  Why not cookies, caramel popcorn, M&Ms and the like?  But I think I chose chips unconsciously because in my mind I can come up with a "plan B" around them.  Bring veggie trays everywhere and don't sit next to the chip bowl - sounds like a strategy. It's a great exercise, but I certainly couldn't give up every food that I compulsively overeat.  If I'm going to be able to maintain weight loss, I'm going to have to get down to the root of my compulsive overeating.  Yes there are trigger foods to avoid, but I also need to quit using those foods to make me feel good.  Food addiction is complicated since we can't just give it all up forever cold turkey.  I've given it up now for an important reason, and this break is giving me the space to explore my cravings, impulses and feelings around food.  But at some point I'll be forging a new relationship with food and face the temptations head-on.

Some people in the group couldn't bring themselves to write the letter.  Their food was connected to powerful memories of people they loved or gatherings that they enjoy.  Rejection of the food feels like a rejection of the person/memory.

I'm humbled by how emotional and complicated this journey is.  I'm thankful that I'm able gain deeper insights into my own feelings and issues by listening to my colleagues.  I appreciate this village of people who are being honest together.