2014 End of Year Wrap-Up

167 lbs.  (Head hanging low - but keeping perspective - what a year!)

What A Difference A Year Makes

Today I went in for my post-Optifast body assessment.  I weighed in and started out very disappointed in my weight gain (14 lbs. since stopping the full fast), but my mood changed considerably as I reviewed the year with my counselor.

Here is how much things have changed since 12/17/13, when I had my initial body assessment:

                            12/17/13     12/23/14
Upper Arms:          16"              11.5"
Chest:                     46.5"           37.5"
Waist:                     46.5"           34.75"
Hips:                       55"              42.5"
BMI:                       45                29
Body Fat%            No Tst.          34.8%


Here are my pre and post Optifast body assessment photos;

It's very motivating for me to see this right now.  Looking at the two photos, taken in the same room exactly one year apart, really gives me the fire to keep going on this journey.  I have about 15-20 pounds to lose, and most importantly, I need to learn to bounce back from special occasion eating and weight gain.  I'm a work in progress for sure, and I'll continue to reach out for help and do what it takes to stay healthy and live joyfully.

Here I am at the beginning of 2013

In 2013 I was tired and felt hopeless about my chances for getting healthy.  I traveled a lot, very uncomfortably.  That year I went to several countries in Europe and Asia and across the US for both work and pleasure.  It was a great adventure and I wished that I could have have felt like I do now!  But I can't focus on the past.  I just have to look forward to more memories with a healthier me.

Hello, new fancier, sportier me!

I'm back on track today with my eating, and I'm going to resist going into a shame spiral about my recent holiday splurges.  Today I'm going to have a beautiful, long run.  Here are some shots of a nice morning run that I had over the weekend.

This is a lovely trail near my home.  The pic on the right is of a herd of grazing deer. 

It has been an amazing year, and I couldn't have done it without the support of family, friends and virtual friends.  Thank you for your continued support.   I'm off on a cruise starting Friday, so I'll be out of communication for a couple of weeks.  I'm going to try to eat protein and veggies 90% of the time, with a couple of indulgences along the way.  I'll be walking, snorkeling and hiking, and of course, running on the shipboard treadmill to stay on track for the half marathon!

Here's to a Happy and Healthy 2015!

Freedom

161 lbs.

FREEDOM!

Yesterday I finished my Optifast Maintenance class.  This was the final weekly class of my program at the clinic, and I'll move on to attending monthly Booster classes for as least a year, and hopefully longer.  I consider this a huge milestone for me.  I officially completed my program, but the new life continues on.  We did an exercise of remembering what life was like at our heaviest.  I have the benefit of looking back at the beginning of this blog to keep those memories fresh in my mind. (My First Post) but it was wonderful, nonetheless, to really look at how much better my life is now that I'm not carrying the extra weight.  The best word I can use to describe how I feel is "Free".

• Free from the chronic pain of sciatica and Achilles tendonitis
• Free to blend in during social situations and out in the world
• Free from the feeling that I might die soon of a heart attack. (I frequently worried about this.)
• Free to buy and wear any kind of clothing I want at a normal store (and free to choose a personal style!)
• Free to engage in fun physical activities with family and friends - hiking, kayaking, walking distances, swimming in public, yoga and many adventures ahead!
• Free from the anxiety of fitting into chairs, booths, amusement park rides, cars, boats
• Free to travel on airplanes in comfort, with room between me and the next person
• Free from immediate and unconscious episodes of emotional eating
• Free from the cravings induced by a diet consisting primarily of carbohydrates
• Free from the embarrassment and disappointment in myself for not getting a handle on my weight and health.

Basically, many wonderful things I want to do in this life, my only life, I am able to do now because I shed the extra weight.  That is freaking glorious!  

Am I a perfect physical specimen?  Nah.  I'm still a little heavier than I maybe could be.  I'm working on it and have a lifetime to tweak my diet and weight numbers.  There is still so much for me to learn through the maintenance process, but I don't feel pressured to have to have all the answers right now. 

I also have physical activity goals.  I'm training for the Rock n Roll Half Marathon (will run/walk it), and I hope to one day be able to run a complete 5K without stopping.  There are many more strength and speed goals that I'll be able to challenge myself with.

DIET TWEAKING

As I mentioned, I'm still trying to figure things out with my diet. The scale has been creeping up despite relatively clean eating and lots of exercise, so I have decided to switch gears a bit.  Since starting my Maintenance class, I rationalized a few more carbs than I had initially intended to eat.  Even though I lowered my calorie level, I have seen the scale creep up and down, but really not move down consistently.  I have some of my Optifast products as a back up, but I'd really love to try and figure out a sustainable way of eating so that I can maintain my weight (and lose the few pounds I gained since stopping the fast)  I realize that I've put on muscle since I stopped the fast.  I'm lifting weights, hiking and jogging.  I'd just like to keep building the muscle, but lose some of the stored fat as well.  My clothes all fit fine, so I think I'm looking at a a body fat/muscle % issue now.

In effort to be as transparent as possible, and in case anyone is interested in the wild musings of someone tweaking their diet, I will share with you my new dietary plan/experiment.  I've decided to lower my carbohydrate intake considerably.  I'm striving to keep it under 10% of my calories, and make up the calories with healthy fats and reasonable (not excessive) protein.  My carbs will come from vegetables grown above ground and some berries.   I've been reading about a ketogenic diet, and want to try it.  I have two hopes for this plan.  I'm looking to burn my stored fat as my primary energy source (by staying in ketosis) and I'd like to be able to raise my calories (to 1500-1700 kcals) in an effort to help rev my metabolism a bit.  I'm exercising a great deal, and I don't think 1300 kcals is enough for me.  One wild card in this way of eating will be its impact on my athletic performance.  I will see if I can run and hike as vigorously on a low level of carbs.  It remains to be seen, and I'll let you all know.

I'm giving this experiment two weeks and I'm weighing myself daily to see how it goes.

That's it for me for now.  I hope all of you are enjoying. and not stressing over the holiday season too much.  I'm making spiced nuts to give out as gifts for my neighbors.  I'm sure cookies will be brought into the house, but I'll try and be strong! We are having an "experience" Christmas this year.  We cashed in our frequent flyer miles and booked a cruise for Dec. 26th.  So we're not doing very many presents this year.  Everyone is happy with that plan, and I'm finished with all of my family shopping.  Snorkels for everyone!

Post Race Bliss

Just wanted to give a quick update on my very fun 10 mile walk this morning!  I completed the Silver Strand 10 miler and earned my first race medal.  Yippee!

It was a beautiful California morning and I had great views of the beach on both sides of the course.  I did the walk with my sister and brother-in-law so the time passed quickly as we chatted about our holiday plans and engaged in general silliness.  Before I knew it, it was done.

My first two races (Color Run and Silver Strand) were more social experiences.  I enjoyed sharing the experiences with my family and  friends, but I have to admit that I have the bug to do a race and go all out for my best time.  I think I'll be searching for one to go solo on and we will see how that goes.  I'm just thrilled to be able to go out there and participate.  I've come a very long way.

I know I'll be signing up for both social and personal races in the future.  It is just a wonderful way to stay in shape, have a goal and end with a party!  Plus, I admit to feeling just a little bad-ass athletic, which is something I admired in others when I was sitting on the sidelines as an overweight person.  It is awesome to know that a person like me can go from the sidelines to the race course in a matter of months!  If you are reading this in the middle of your weight loss journey, you'll be there too!

Here are some sights from this morning:

Looking like a giant, walking tall before the race.

The morning was flawless here at the starting line.

At the finish line with my first racing medal!  It felt great.

Meeting Travel Challenges Successfully

I just returned from a 4 day trip to Kansas City to attend a family funeral.  I was nervous about the trip and tried my best to pack all the shake powder and soup I would need, as well as a blender bottle and a large empty water bottle.  I didn't know how I was going to get my shakes and waters in, and how I was going to explain myself to people.

The plane trip gave me some exciting NSV's (non-scale victories).  For the first time in many years, and LOTS of travel, I was able to feel comfortable in my airplane seat (achieving another Milestone!)  I didn't need a seat belt extender and actually had a little room between my hips and the arm rests.  This is a really big deal for me because I'm pear-shaped and all of the junk in my trunk was a source of embarrassment whenever I traveled.  On the last leg of the trip, I was packed in with two other travelers, and was saying a silent prayer of thanks that I didn't need to feel like a burden to the person sitting next to me.  My body parts were within my seat area.  What a relief and sense of satisfaction.  It's strange posting a picture, but I couldn't help snapping a discreet photo to mark the milestone.

The second very nice moment came when three of my siblings saw me for the first time.  They were flabbergasted!  And I have to admit that this was the first time that I could see my own progress - in my face, shape and clothes.  The appearance changes just weren't that noticeable to me before -- I have just enjoyed feeling healthier.  But seeing things through their eyes, I DO look so much leaner and healthier.

Now for the challenges.

The first evening, we were invited to dinner at a cousin's house.  I didn't know her very well, so this felt extremely stressful to me.  But when we arrived, I passed on wine and appetizers, and explained that I was on a medically prescribed diet and wouldn't be eating, just visiting.  She was super gracious and the rest of the evening went very smoothly.

After dinner, we were all sharing pictures of our families on our iphones  - through Apple TV.  They then got to see the heavier me, and I think this helped them to understand why I was on this journey. My discomfort about this part of my travels turned out to be short lived.  I learned that declining food didn't make the evening awkward (past the initial explanation), and everyone was just too busy catching up and getting reacquainted to notice that I wasn't eating.  I had to decline one other dinner when we went to a restaurant, but I ordered a bowl of hot water and made myself some chicken broth.  No problem.

Also for the trip, I packed some workout clothes because our hotel had a small gym.  My sister and I went down one morning, and I did 20 brisk minutes.  Later that day, I learned that another cousin taught a Restorative Yoga class, and she invited a bunch of family members to take the class.  I was worried.  This was my first time trying Yoga.  I can't tell you how special it was.  My cousin is a peaceful, gentle soul, and her calm supportive approach to the class made me feel perfectly capable.  I had been very reluctant to try Yoga due to my size and extreme inflexibility, but this type of Yoga is really wonderful, and I highly recommend it no matter what size you are.  This is the second time the I've tried something new (see Jumping for Valentines) and realized that I never needed to wait to be thinner to try these enjoyable activities.  I could have done them from the start.  So what else am I not doing that I can try right now?  I'll have to think about it.

Although the occasion of my visit was very sad and touching, being forced into this challenging situation taught me that I can get through this phase of my health quest, and that I do have the resolve to make it, and learn from it.

Jumping for Valentines

Perhaps a little weight loss has emboldened me.  Approaching a 4 day weekend with my youngest son, while the rest of my family are out of town, I decided to take him to his favorite trampoline place last night.  He begged me to jump with him, offering to pay my way as a Valentine's gift.  How could I turn down such a heart-felt plea?  When we arrived I discreetly took one of the staff members aside and asked if there was a weight limit to jump, and she smiled and assured me that yesterday two 400 pound dudes were reliving childhood bliss.  So I went for it!

The smile on my son's face when I started jumping with him was the best Valentine's present I could have asked for.  In the past, with my aches and pains and self-consciousness, there wouldn't have been a question but I would have had to sit it out (though I wish I'd learned about those awesome jumping dudes earlier, or I might have done it sooner).  But just a little over 10% of weight loss has given me more self-confidence, and I had a blast!

There is nothing like the freedom of flying into the air doing twists and turns, arms flapping like a bird.  I even  got up the courage to play a couple of games of dodge ball with him, and got a big hug and kiss for doing that.   When it comes down to it, health benefits are great, but the FUN and JOY that I have now, and will keep having, is really what I'm in it for.