Thursday, July 24, 2014

Week 30 Weigh In: Hitting the big 90, Taking Another Trip

167 lbs. - 90 pounds down!

I'm excited that my two boys and I will be heading out early in the morning on a road trip to Arizona.  Now that I have more flexibility in my work, I have had a wonderful time visiting family and friends this summer.  It has been years since I've been able to visit my siblings so frequently.  This time, we're headed to some beautiful spots in the state where I grew up, including a trip to the Grand Canyon.  They have't been there yet, and I can't wait for them to see it.  We'll drive from the Grand Canyon all the way down to Tucson, with lots of stops in between.

Again, there will be people who haven't seen me since I started my weight loss.  Even though they have seen some pictures on Facebook, I'm sure they will be surprised.  I've decided to fully embrace short sleeves or tanks (it is sweltering hot in Arizona), and not get hung up on my flappy, wrinkly skin on my arms and my neck.  I've earned that skin, and really, it's not too noticeable.  I'm not going to apply for a job as a super model, and frankly, I'm just thrilled to look like a somewhat normal sized person.

Instead of seeing my body in a dysmorphic way, though, I'm finding that I get more anxious about how I will feel, and how my body will perform under certain conditions.  For instance, we will be in a much higher elevation when we visit my brother, and I'm sure we'll be doing some hiking.  Many years I huffed and'puffed with the altitude, and tried hard to keep up with everyone without drawing attention to my lack of fitness.  I find myself tensing up just thinking about going there, even though I did well in the mountains of Utah just a couple of weeks ago.  Maybe it's a mild form of PTSD.  I spent so many years in both physical and emotional pain during my family visits, that I think it's a difficult reaction to shake off.  I'm not used to this new body, and I don't trust it yet.

I'm not sure I'll be able to blog until a week from Saturday.  I'll be missing another Optifast group, but tonight's group talked about stress and looked at healthy ways of analyzing a situation and modulating our perceptions of what we can and can't control.  I  think I wrote about it in one of my previous blog posts, but I might revisit it in the near future.  It was just a very helpful discussion.

I'll be taking my shakes and soups, and drinking lots of water with flavoring.  I'm starting to get used to traveling with all of my food.  Cheers everyone!

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