Thursday, February 6, 2014

Week 6 Weigh-In

234.5 lbs

Now that I'm pretty much on auto-pilot with my Optifast shakes, my anxiety about life after the safe cocoon of fixed meals is starting to emerge in my thoughts and dreams.  Last night I had a strange problem-solving dream.  I was at a family gathering, sitting around a backyard table, with a basket of tortilla chips and bowl of guacamole in front of me.  I was thinking about how I have always had a hard time controlling myself with chips.  I just never developed an "off " button. What was I going to do now that I've worked so hard to lose this weight?  I remember telling myself that at future gatherings I will need to bring a veggie tray to put in front of me, if there isn't one out already.  Anticipating these scenarios is getting to me.

Coincidentally, my group tonight had us write down 3 parts of our life that we love, and 3 parts of our life that we don't love.  Then we marked whether these had a positive or negative influence on our weight.  The exercise was meant to get us thinking of small changes that we can make to help us cope with challenges to our weight management.  It was helpful.  With my dream in mind, I thought about taking charge and planning to bring foods that are healthy to gatherings.  Another intervention is to become more organized around the house.  I get stressed when piles develop and when I miss events or assignments for my children due to my disorganization.  It makes me feel guilty and fills me with anxiety, and I eat.  If I put my mind to it, I know I can develop a system of organizing these important papers and then I don't have to be facing this anxiety.  I can take charge of this, and when I do, I'll let you know.

I also know that I didn't become obese just from social gatherings.  My next challenge will be to figure out a motivation so strong that I'll be able to keep my daily portions and food choices under control.  Planning to pack healthy lunches with me, and snacking every three hours.  Right now it's just a dream and hope to me because I'm in the middle of the fast.  I'm just going to have to trust that with enough time and thought, my mind will re-set and I'll be able to approach eating with a new sense of calm and confidence.

On another note, I am LOVING that I can wear smaller sizes now.  This week I was able to fit into two pairs of pants and a very pretty sweater that I couldn't wear before.  I loved it and felt so attractive!  All of this, in addition to being 23 lbs lighter, is excellent motivation for keeping on the path!  

1 comment:

Caitlin R said...

I really like that idea of the exercise about the love/hate as it think it would help to identify both areas that you want to change, as well as areas you want to preserve. I'm going to do it myself. Thanks so much for sharing! I learn so much from your blog!