Monday, December 15, 2014

Giving Goodies - Struggling With the Concept

I have just received my second plate/tin of cookies.  One from one of my best friends, and another from my sister -- she made all of the favorite cookies of our childhood.  I'm going to be honest and say that I'm struggling with being given these goodies when both of the givers know about my weight loss year and about my new entry into maintenance and the world of food.

The logical, understanding part of me knows this:
  • People give food for Christmas.  They give it in the spirit of nurturing and love, and out of their own traditions.  Heck, I gave nuts to my friends -- maybe someone feels this is too fattening and doesn't see them as healthy snacks (as I do).
  • My kids shouldn't have to be passed over for goodies just because their mom has food issues.
The self-preserving part of me feels this way:
  • FUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!  I don't want this delicious homemade shit in front of me right now.  I just spent a whole year losing weight for goodness sake.  Would you knowingly give a bottle of wine to a recovering alcoholic?
  • My family is doing just fine and they don't need all the sweets in the house either.

I don't have any big revelations here and I just needed to vent.  Maybe some of you are feeling the same way right now.  I ate three bourbon balls (yes, made with real alcohol, so not kid friendly).  I stopped there and logged them, and I'm not too tempted by anything else now.

Yes, I'm going to eat treats during the holidays.  Yes, I will need to plan for them, and very often say "no" to second helpings, and sometimes say "no" altogether.  I will be learning the concept of "a treat" vs. "gateway to a backslide" this holiday season.  I don't really think I'm in any danger, but I guess what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

Some of you veteran maintainers have probably already been through this, and you're well adjusted human beings about it.  I'll get there, eventually, but I'm not there yet.

I'm indulging in a bit of crankiness about it right now.  It has opened my eyes about the concept of giving food for the holidays, and I'm going to really think hard about alternatives for next year.

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